South Island New Zealand
So it was Me, and 2 swedish guys (sounds kinky right...eeerr not at all!!!)in a vauxhall travelling the South iIsland on a mission to get to Wanaka in 5 days!!! ha ha ha, We stopped at the first pack n save...stocked up on more boxed wine and noodles noodles noodles and maybe a cheeky sausage or two as we were saving on the old hostel by camping in the pissing rain!!
So went to Abel Tasman And went for a wee walk... pissing down with rain but had the most sexual hamburger while camping in the marlbourgh area!! In Abel Tasman did a wee walk throught the national parka cross the coast line and ended up on this amazing beach (and like magic the tide started to decline and sun beamed out) the beach had a cove coming out of the cliff face with the clearest of waters.... then went down to the beach and cooked sauages and mash!! gorment stylie you could tell we just been shopping at Paknave baby...even had mustard mash!!!
So went to Abel Tasman And went for a wee walk... pissing down with rain but had the most sexual hamburger while camping in the marlbourgh area!! In Abel Tasman did a wee walk throught the national parka cross the coast line and ended up on this amazing beach (and like magic the tide started to decline and sun beamed out) the beach had
a cove coming out of the cliff face with the clearest of waters.... then went down to the beach and cooked sauages and mash!! gorment stylie you could tell we just been shopping at Paknave baby...even had mustard mash!!!
Then from abel tasman we did a mission to travel down the west coast... down the famous west coast rd!! through Greymouth (were the miners just died) and it was crazy, we camped at this cheeky little place that was totally off the beaten track, in a forest was sweet as!!
Travelling down the throughout this famous coast it fucking didn't stop pissing it down, the surfing spots look like fucking tidal wave spots!! ha ha all the way and we were on a mission to get to Franz Josef!!! so I could do the GLACIER CLIMB!!!!
Can so got out of the car at 7am(refused to sleepin my tent because apparently tesco value tents that are £7 do not prootect you from gale force rain conditions... so after my air bed became a fuck lido... I ran int the car for another bad night sleep... but it's okay I was gonna walk up a glacier... !!
I'm sure I'llmuster up the energy 600m up on a piece of moving ice!!! ha ha... Franz Josef was fucking awesome and i'm so glad I knocked off bungy jumping to do this bad boy... coz I don't think you can do this anywhere else!!! We had two guides.. one extremely hot... that didn't stop saying "Yo Bro!!" and the other was new and couldn't have been more than 19...
and actually lookied like a pubisent Price harry and the higher we got up the glacier the rosier his cheeks clashed with his ginger hair!! They explain about the glacier...how it's constantky changing so everytime you do a alk it's always differnet, tooks us down some cravasses, that was pretty sick... the ice is like crystal blue fromlackof oxygen!! spectular!!.....Met Carly from ponty!! random...as awesome girl and couldn't believe a girl from my area was right behind me!!! so we climbed 2/3 up the glacier over terrain and on the ice with the sexy crampons!!! 6 hours of absolute bliss... took us like 5 hours to get up and errr 1 hour back down... oh also theres these random parrots that arethe only things o the ice.. and they come purely to eat your sandwhich.. fucking rascals!!!...
Got back.. took all the gear off and so grateful to feel the cool air on my bare ass.. after sweting my balls off with 2 jumpers..waterproffs and hiking boots!! Found the guys in this awesome hostel we got where we paid extra to have a 4 man dorm to ourselves but fuck me that night... it did not stop raining!!!! so.. me alex and karl after my famous 5 bean chilli...got absoutely wasted and stoned off our trolleys in our little private room!! so so funny!!! Amoungst all the smoke and memory loss of that evening the only thing I can remember is watching family guy with the episode when Peter as a stroke...and sings "end of the world..." too good when your stoned..again might have pooed myself!!
The next day was a total right off but an awesome day... still constant amounts rain...did stop chucking it down.. so we checked out and hid in the kitchen /common room and I snuck off to the spa!! Oh the spa was aweome got it free... pissing down with rain sitting in hot 40 degree hot spa.. outdoors with the rain seeping through occasionally under the canopy!! beautiful!!! met a german 19 year old who we both clocked each other as soon as he walked in!! ha ha and spent 3 hours submerged in bliss chatting shit to each other! It was his birthday so it would have been rude ot to sit around and flirt with guy!! ha ha
Right we were on day 4 and stll no where near Wanaka to meet my beautiful friend LUCI!!! ....soas we missioned it down the west coast! eerrr to break up the epic journey we wentwe were embarking on that day we went to pancake rocks ...which was a fucking totally hyped up and a big pile of poo that it was actually hilarious because they were so not that spectacluar!! and with the gale force winds... we sparked a joint and trended on our epic journey down the ocean rd and pissed ourselves at how bad it actually was!!
The drive was really cool to look out the window and see the epic surf and the rainforest scenery, but then it go to 9pm and we couldn't find a place to camp plus it was pissing down so we stopped in this hillbilly town called..Haast.. where there was no one at the patrol station, no one in the shop and we found this dead end hostel ranby a total manic.. who rabbited on why we tried to sneakily tried to smoke a joint ranting about.. how fucked the world was...is daughter working on a cruise ship...man he was a total gay in the bumhole...!
woke up and trekked again only another 250km to wanaka ....so we I spent my last night with Alex and karl in one of the most beautiful spots on our camping trip...was the lake before wanka..Lake Hawea.with snow peaked mountains...and a crystal blue lake.we got wasted and so so stoned, so stoned that Karl took it upon himself to tturn into commandoman..and high on weed. waprancing around the shoreline..like some crazy ass namwar vetran that who done all the acid!!! hey It's all about the good weed and lovin the swedes!.....'
Finally got to wanaka.... So glad to get rid of sepest Karl who could't uderstad the concept of "No Karl I don't want to have sex with you!!!" and was done with sleeping in the car 5 nights in a row!!!
SO me and luci for 5 days literally just drank and smoked shit loadsa of weed!!!!...I could write about all the antics..but thought photo's are better for you lazy cuts who can't be assed to read on...
So these were the happiest moments and most awesome time i had in New Zealand!!! so heres a break down of what we happened..!
Met at Kai...drank all day, then went to as BBq with some polyester sausgages...then to a bar fors ome sexy karaoke.
next day just got really stoned...so stone when i went to the dr's and pulled a whitey!!!
went to the lake and had a picnic... the drank all day and in the evening went toan awesome night at rosie house where ben and bill cookedpork belly!!
secondnight meandluci went tokai about 3pmand ot wasted.....then was meant to go to....house for dinner.. but showed up at 10pm wasted.. carrying the dog up the road (and stopping a it's the ultimate pulling magnet!!).
last night was poker night..bill taught us poker...me and lucikicked ass...ginger uy brought round more weed and ot majorly stoned again!!
second day walked around the lake...took Thaw for walk.. met luci after her 1st day at work.. at kai and jumped on the bus to Queenstown....after a few sherberts in Kai!!
Queenstown..after all the drinking... antibiotics.. and major amounts of weed my body gave up soon as I hit the hostel Bed!! my first night of queenstown I literally crawlled into bed and fricking died...was staying in this awesome hostel called pine wood..tey werelog cabin turned into hotel..awesomly cosy a could see they were perfect if you were here for a ski- season.. and awesomely there was no twatty kiwi bus 18yrs olds anywhere!!
2nd day in queenstown...so queenstown is alot smaller than what i thought it was...spent the evening with carly and her mates...in the day did the epic walk up the mountain to the top of the gondelza for a fucking awesome view of queenstown coz I refued to pay $30 to go up the gondala..instead gave myself fucking thunder thighs..by climbing up a 90degree slope up hill for and hour and a half!! the satisfaction when I got to the end was orgasmic...wespecially with teh view..and then I became a smug twat walking back down at all the people who were half way walking up out of breath...close to death. saying " how long have we got??" and I'd say..." fucking miles!! ha ha Goodluck!!!"
Sojumped on the bus to christchurch for a 6 hour bus journey..hung out in the base computer area for 6 hours sending all my bumchums christmas emails... then got the last bus to the airport with a exy chilean dude.. who i ended up cwtching up to on the airport floor to sleep (and for warmth) until we could check in at 5am!! ha ha ha So a good 5 hours with a random stranger sharing, my sleeping bag..cwtching for warmth..you have to love travelling!!!!