Thursday, 14 October 2010

3 days of tequilla, dwarf mexican wrestlers and bull tongue tacos.. Guadalajara Baby!

Okay so I'm also gonna keep this short and sweet!!

Day/ Night 1

After being told I that Rhiaro couldn't get me a lift out of the turtle camp till next week...or I could go in an hour!! Ipulled my hands out of the grubby nest... whipped my stuff together and suddenly after my 2 hour back of a truck ride to Las Varas, I was on a 4 hour bus to Guadalajara! to the major bus terminal which was fucking miles out of the centre ( this place is fucking huge like 2x the size of London) and after being ever sokind and trying to hlp out the extremely rude German, who I shared a taxi with to th centre... (no sht this women was sorude that sh was shouting at the taxi guy for not speaking english.. in english!! poor guy waslike no Comprendo... I was like.. wheres the fucking handle of the door so I can push this bitch out!!!) ha ha so that was emotional!

ot the the hostl about 10pm and thre were shit loads of people partying... tthere was me thinking I was gonna  be going to bed having a shower and scrubbing off the smelly turtle stench!... nope... I was drinking shit loads beer... first shot of tequilla ... menthols galore... and suddenly find myself at 3am.. outside in the indepence plaza.. smoking the reminence of the beautiful weed Dario had left me... through a fucking pear!!!

Day 2 - Tequilla

So woke up with a dirty hangover... and to a cheky chappy Oz guy called Tony... who told me that if I didn't go on the tequilla tour then they couldn't go as they needed 4 people and he'd been waiting around all week to do it.. I thought shit if it's that hard to do...I have to do it today!!... also in the kitchen I got the same speech from a canadian guy called Nick.. so I thought fuck it..... when in Rome (or tequilla)!
 so at 12 O'clock found myslf in a car with 3 guys drivng to the town of tequilla which  is on the outside of Guadajara!
It a sweet little town... with fucking shit loadsa of Tequilla factory!! man I learnt so much that day!!! I can't really rember statistics coz after 5 tequilla shots didn't stay in soi'm gonna let the picture talk!!! easier!!

So After our random meal that was a part of the tour... this crazy mexican dude told us that he wasour taxis drivr back!!!! ha ha how hilarious!! man the dude was safe as fuck.. we were all completely wasted.. kinda westernr abroad stylie...Tony has to be one of the funniest guys I've met on my travels so far... anyone who I can have an anchorman banter with... is always worth hanging around!!

the awsome taxi driver let us pull over... and handed Tony his tequilla bottle so that we can get  wasted on the side of the road...while he sang some crazy mexican song for us!!! I shit you not!!
So we get back to the hostel... and of course were not gonna stop there... so we ask where good to go for a few more Bevies!!... so thy told us to go to la fuente, and evn the guy behind the desk was excited for us!!
Basically la fuente is a mexican version of a british working man club... but  better it's set in a boiler room and they have a geezer on the organ... and all the locals get up and singing in their anoraks!!! oh and only recently have ladies been allowed to drink there so i felt privaliged... I also saw the most amazing thing ever!! this average mexican lady get up and sings themost complex and to the tee Opera Song from la Boheme!! freaking knock my socks off that I had to get off my chair and go sit by her... and at the end sh ran up to me and gave me the biggest hug./. saying she felt privaligde that I was there.. privalore like i should be Privialidge!!
Anyho we finished guzzling a ridculous amount of corona.. then as we waded through the crowd we were wondering what the hell was going on in the square? there was fucking thousands of people all queuing to get into the catherdral.. abit like when the pope dis and everyone queues to go se him... i tried getting a look on tony shoulders but could only see shit loadsa of crazy flowrs and some coffin thing.. but crazy stuff.. but also bad for us because when we got back to the hostel... we were ready to party more.. i had my tequilla shoes on!! .. but we were told that beacuse of the religious ceremony (some sacred mathyrs death) everything was shut!! booo.some and tony went down the local bar and carried on drinking... that was a very very messy night!
also wnt to the best taco stand that night and had bull tonuge taco which are amazing and nick had brain tacos... couldn't abide that concept

Day 3 - the best day ever

so woke up feeling like my insides had dropped on the floor and had ben eaten by wild dogs.... so said goodbye to our fellow tequilla friends domanique (awesom dude from brlin who whipped out the classic quote of "so what town is this called?"...when we were in the town of tequilla... where tequilla gets it's name! a proper tena lady moment and having to run away from Tony for making me laugh so much) and Nick.. who I'll probably see in Mexico City! So tony decided to stay once I convinced him to come see some sexy mexican wrestling! and he got a hotel room....sweet! so grabbed a omlette in this cool as fuck acfe called Chai (the bars and cafe here remind me so much of eat London baby! but 1/8 of th price!) then as the day progressed
6.oopm arrived and Dario text me to say meet them outside the arena collasiuem at 7.30pm.. so me and tony went to this kick ass bar to get some food.. Lavha i think it was called.. it had fuck off contempoary art on the wall, cool mexicans and the most sexual burger I have ever put in my mouth!! at first to look at eat iwas like what the hell is that... ? but it was a prawn cover in a rich buttr cream garlic sauce with a thick chunky piece of cheese.. the prawns like popped in your mouth it wasincredible... then tony had one thick chunky blood red in the middle beef burgers..all swilled down with a beer!.... right and ready formexican Wrestling..

Okay when the taxi rocked up at the colisuem.. the taxi driver toldus that it was a rough area... and it totally looked like it...but that's what made it aweome... it was this small dirty arena with loadsa mexican queuing outside it... me and Tony sat on the steps ancipitaing what the hell we were about to encounter.. and we saw a mexican wrestler come out of a cab... masknd a buisness suit... and just watched the crowd go nuts!!! and sawmp him.. we actually had no idea he was the star Wrestler Mystico!! ha ha so the sexy Dario and Nick rock up, Dario gets us the cheap dirty balcony seats which were 60pesos (ha ha £3.00)oh my god the seats were awesome just concrete rings where all th dirty mexicans go!! yeahh... and you can get these fuck off cup of beer that hold two bottle of corona...
so we in all we went through about 6 bottles of corona... right now for the mexican wrestling I have never laughed, fucking screamed my ass off... and also needed a tissue to wipe my seat clean..
so the first round are always the crapwretler and there was like 8 in the ring.... and of course a freaky midget who actually look like a power ranger with his costume... dude this littl guy would jump around the guys neck.. and swing them down.. they fricking jump out of the ring and "fak batter th crapout of each other" but literally jumping on the front row people!! they love to slap each other on the chst as hard as they can... man this shit is like watching the olymipic gymnastic that use each other necks and bodys as that horse thing.. literally grabbing the bad guys by the neck with their legs.. swinging their bodies to floor for a body slam!! Second round was ladies round... dude these where girls you didn't wanna fuckwith..big butch.. grabbing eahc other hair mean mothr fuckers.. that was hilarious... then by the third round the men started getting bulkier... and hotter.. man I wish we could have takn photo's coz these guys were so  funnyne looked like the lionel richie on steroids even had the jew fro!! Metro (who was actually crap) but just wore these hot yellow and red spandex pants with his crazy mask... and literally had pecs you could bounce bricks on (or me!!!).. by the forth round it was Mystico and some other dudes... and they were all big huge built like a brick shit houses.. with the most awesome outfits and cool as masks!!... also their was one massively obese one called porky!! ha ha and a gay wrestler called Maximo ( how very orginal!!) who had a pink mohawk and a black dress as an outfit...but man it was all about mystico.... he was unbelievable the shit his waspulling out he was atheletic..swinging around the ring!! man Ihave never seen that before!! So after the match.. I made damn sure I got his mask.... it's so the most kick ass thing i've bought on this trip!!!

Another thing that was sofunny about the wrestling...was first the slaggy strippers that came out in between rounds with boards who when the crowd cheered would shake their ass and try and strut off in 10inch clear plastic stripper shoes!!!! I also saw a child (yes theirs loads kids that go to the matches) run up and get a kiss from a stripper!!! ha ha only in Mexico.. Also during the match the crowd spend more time shouting at each other..than watching the match...  they haul abuse at us for being in the cheap seats and then we haul abuse at them for being ring side... but something that i will never forget in my whole life time.. was walking out with Dario after the match.. and hoards of the mexicans.. wait outside to shout abuse at people... and when I walked out... and 50 mexican men starting shout and point something at me... suddenly Dario starts jumping up and down waving his hands.. shaking his head saying..."noooooo Enggggllaaaiiree" I had no idea what the fuck was going on... Dario turned round and told m they were chanting " Bushes Daughter at me!!" ha ha ha fucking hlarious.. and also really offensive and orginal..kinda impressed!
So after that we were obviously on our way to being steaming again...and Dario was like.. yeah you like theI  girls on the stage..come on i'll take you to the strip club where there from.... soyeah at 12pm found myself with three guys.. around a table watching the hottest women Ihave ever since do some pretty impressive moves on the stage and the w were in their for like 2 hours and only paid 120 pesos for like two beers... cheap and with hot women!! man there was none of that..high security keep your hand to yourself... the girls were pretty much letting the men grab what ever they wanted!! ha ha and I will nver forgt looking over and seeing the awe inspired expression on the faces on Dario, Nick and Tony face when these girls whipped out the moves.. there was no leaving it to any imagination.. it was money shot galore!!.. ha ha another really random thing about that place is that whn I went to the girls toilets I basically had to go backstag to the girls drssing room.. they were all so lovely to me..and  there was somon gran just sitting in th corning doing some swing while her daughter strutted her stuff crazy....also got bombarded by two of th security guards there who seemed more interested in m as a gringo than the girls there... with on guy say "hy this is my friend...he really like you.. he wants to buy you a drink" I was declined kindly and pissd myself all the way into my seat.. don't think their use to white westerns sitting with 3 guys in a strip joint... so that was the night..dario droppd us off in his jeep while we smoked some of his hash pipe... it was messy, funny (defo in need of some tena lady) and an absolute killer of a story to tell the gran kids!!
Next day woke up watched some crazy ass mexican TV... attempted the Museum de Regional.. and literally had a heart attacked half way through... then came back and chilled on my bunk bed all night while consumingg litres of fresca, while eating tacos in bed... watching indiana jones the lost ark!! beautiful!
and that is Guadalajara baby... i totally recommend this place to anyone!

Day 4. - yet other fabulous mexican day

Went to the sexy Museo de arteswhich is in the university of Guadalajara, interesting,it wasn't  as contempoary as i thought it was gonna be, but the exhibition seemed to be based on old 1900 pictures of famiily, really famous politican and famous mexican... and as you went through there was lots of caricatures and cartoons of these people. It was interesting but not gripping but it was free..soafterwards tooka stroll around that area.. chilled in the parque de revolution... and attempted for the 3rd time to go te theatre dollogdro.. but it is always not open to the public! gay!

I planned to meet the sexy dario and nick that night.. and as i have 3 hours to burn thought i'd dye my hair bright red so maybe don't look like such a gringo...and maybe men willl stop tweeting at me like their calling a pussy cat!!! ha ha ... colouring your hair in a hostel is a bad idea...made such a fucking mess and even tho I was wearing those sexual plastic gloves i still got red all over my hands..

I'm running late and so is Dario and Nick... in fact half an hour late... so i got to chill in the parque revolution..watching the sun go down... watching about 8 people learning Caperio..the young boys were freaking awesome... sodario and nick finally arrived and I jumped into the back of Dario's Bright orange 1987 zooooppp up Suzuki jeep... and was ready for my final night out in Guadalajara! Fuck Me this boy Dario knows how to show a girl a good time.... and he's also the most fucking cool as motherfucker mexican I have met to date!!

So he first takes me and nick to this cool little roof top bar that over sees this beautiful church and we drink Michelada which is a beer version of a bloody mary.. here the recipe!! it's actually fucking beautiful!!:
12 oz beer juice of 1 lemons 2 dashes Worcestershire sauce 1 dash soy sauce 1 dash Tabasco® sauce 1 pinch black peppers, salt

Then we jumped back in his car... blazed a pipe for a bit and then he took us to this restaurant/bar where I saw true, from Gualdalajara 'mariachis'...what is a mariachi? Well  it's... these sexy guys...

who Dario told me that in Mexicof you ever want to woo a girls heart/...... you just shout these geezers 100pesos they go round to her house and sing the chosen song!! ha ha he said a few of his mates have done it when they've had an arguement with ther girlfriend!!! ha  watchwould dropmy knickers if omeone did that to me!!! they so cool to listen to.... some songs are of love... some songs are just happy clappy songs about mexico!!... but we watched all that while drinking tequilla (the proper way) and some sexy beers!!

Onto stop number threee..... ahhhhhhhhhh a fucking Salsa Bar!!! Yes this is what I have been waiting since I arrived in MExico... and it was everything... but more amazing than what thought it would be!!!! man it was about 12pm and the place was rammed.. the dancing floor was just full of sexy people... literally dancing the hottest Salsa I have ever seen!!!  this is the most sexiest and most passionate dancing I have ever done and  love it... in fact i'mgonna make it my mission when I finally stop travel to learn this crazy shit!!
Oh my god... so the beers where cheap/.... the place is covered head to toe in mexico flag bunting.

So Dario took my hand... and whipped me on the dance floor... and that was it I was hooked... we danced for like two hours....bless going back and forth to the table to make sure nick was alright...coz he didn't want to salsa... but man Dario was such a good teacher...and suchhhh a hot sexy salsa dancer..gggrrrrrr that boy is hot..... it was the closet thing to sex but with clothes on!!! he would spin me around... flare me down on the floor... and he said that it was first time he danced with a girl who could salsa!! ( ha ha bet that sexy boy says that to all the girls!!)...not bad for my first time and I think I shook and twirlled my booty quite well.... but man when you stop and watch all the pros do it... man it's just incredoble to don't camp/gay when they do it...they look like hot hard,  full of passion, latino men ( I totally see why latino men make the best lovers!!!) there was this hot brazilan guy just literally for 2 hours was twirlng his girlfriend around his body and he makes it look like it's no effort at all! God is it so sexy!!! I know I keep saying that but I literally had the most amazing night ever!!!

And it didn;t end there!!! ooohh no 2.30 and we were onto te next bar.. called las Americanas.... to top  the night off. we went to this sick hot, electro bar and which look like it came straight out of Shoreditch or Berlin, it was rammed with young mexicans off their face dancing around!!! it was cool as fuck and the perfect way to end the night!! man you know if theres dancing invloved I'm the happest girl ever!! Dario and Nick gave me the perfect night in sexy Guadalajara... one of the best places I've partied since hopefully willbe seeing those sexy boys later on in my travels if they get their sexy butts to the land of OZ!!  

Thank you for a most memorable night!!!


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